From our house to yours ~ Happy Belated Thanksgiving.
We have much to be thankful for, here. For still having each other and no accidents this year. For our son's therapies and special ed going so very well. For our daughter's precociousness and goofiness. That we still have all of our parents and siblings.
That we ate entirely too much food on Thursday.
That we could share a special day, complete with celebratory feast, with others who had no where else to go, and a few guys who had to work all day. (We took them food).
That I have a bed to fall into after two full days of non-stop cooking.
That it's been exactly one year since I could walk without a cane.
Because we were sharing with others who had different traditions than our families did growing up, I made a lot of extras:
homemade whole-berry cranberry sauce
green congealed salad (lime jello, cream cheese, and canned pears. Yum)
green bean casserole
broccoli casserole
sweet potato souffle
mashed red potatoes
vat 'o' dressing, with homemade cornbread and biscuits therein
2 batches of homemade hot rolls
ham
turkey
gravy (no giblets this year)
pumpkin pie
coconut pie (great-great-aunt's recipe)
homemade cinnamon rolls that taste like cinnabon rolls (no kidding, the recipe title is "clone of a cinnabon". They take three hours to make, but are soooo worth it).
shrimp dip
spinach artichoke dip ~ both served with triscuits, wheat thins, and tortilla chips
a gallon of sweet tea
...and, there's not much leftover, after sending our guests home with some and taking food to the guys who were working.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Urination Consternation
Potty training. Anyone want to guess how much time is spent in our bathrooms right now? I actually moved a portable DVD player into the downstairs bathroom, just to pass the time. And hopefully some other things, from my son.
We've been experiencing some difficulty regarding this not-so-favorite but oh-so-time-consuming pastime. My son, who is now four, still has no idea when he has to go, or when he's actually doing it. Seriously. There are no indicators prior to, during, or following either type of potty event. Zip. Observations have been recorded on paper and mentally catalogued for months, but there's nothing verbal or non-verbal that could remotely resemble a cue. We tried yet another tactic, this one pulled off an autism advocacy website, involving spending all day in the bathroom, with off-potty nakie time for ten minutes following a "success". He had some successes, but he had no idea he'd peed. And he also had three accidents on the floor during the nakie time.
There was absolutely no reaction the times he whizzed on the floor. He didn't blink, he didn't look down, he didn't even move when it was running down his legs. He just stood there, engrossed with whatever he was thinking about. He had to clean up his mess, but seemed to have no clue how it got there and why mommy was helping him (hand over hand) wash the floor. After expressing some parental frustration (I know he can't help it right now, but we're still making a valiant effort), I have received or read the following gems of advice:
"Every kid learns on their own timetable."
"It's a simple process they should pick up in a day, if all the waking hours in that day are devoted to training."
"Sometimes it can take an entire week before they're fully trained!"
"Sometimes it can take an entire month before they're fully trained!"
"My daughter was 2 and a half before she finally would use the potty. They just have to be ready, and their bladders able to hold it or release on demand."
"My son was potty trained at 14 months, and his sister was at 12 months."
"Use stickers as rewards."
"Use M&Ms as rewards."
"Use pennies as rewards, to put in their piggy bank."
"Use stars on a chart, and when they get 15 they get a reward."
"Don't use rewards, it will just confuse them."
"Just let your child run naked through your house."
"Use cotton underwear, they don't like it being soggy."
"Use pull-up training pants, they can see and feel when they're wet."
"It's a spiritual experience, being in tune with one's body. Mmmmmmmm. They have to learn to channel their inner self fully before they can recognize and release on cue."
"It's all routine, and if they do it enough, they'll learn the routine."
"Don't worry, I don't know any kids who are in kindergarten and still in diapers, ha ha!"
Now, for the really great part. I'm going to participate in transference (focusing and expressing my frustrations on an unrelated thing) for some wholesome, snarky fun. Let's dissect. Scalpels ready? Let the viscera fly.
"Every kid learns on their own timetable." ~ True. That is what the problem is. My son can't tell time. Or multiply.
"It's a simple process they should pick up in a day, if all the waking hours in that day are devoted to training." ~ So, after spending three straight days in our bathroom and having no clean laundry or dishes and a bunch of empty take-out containers in our garbage cans, I can't tell if perhaps by "day", they really meant some kind of allegorical theoretical "day", akin to the Biblical "a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day" or a literal, 24-hour kind of day. I'm betting on the former.
"Sometimes it can take an entire week before they're fully trained!" ~ Again, I'm thinking this length of time must be measured using an alternate-universe's standards.
"Sometimes it can take an entire month before they're fully trained!" ~ Infinity is a defined amount of time, right? There's that time problem again. Note to self: teach son about all possible calendars (Julian, lunar, etc) and have him pick the one he'd like to use.
"My daughter was 2 and a half before she finally would use the potty. They just have to be ready, and their bladders able to hold it or release on demand." ~ OK. I'll buy that. However, when my son's first accident on the floor resembled those glorious videos of the falls in Yosemite (only yellow), with about as much volume, I'm thinking the holding or releasing part isn't the problem. I also think my son's bladder runs the length of his body and has lobes down both legs.
"My son was potty trained at 14 months, and his sister was at 12 months." ~ of course this was delivered in a smug, self-righteous tone. The temptation to feed her children ex-lax and sit back and enjoy the fun very nearly overwhelmed me. Never fear, the kiddies are safe. For now. I might put some of the chocolate chunks in mama's cookies though.... La dee frickin da. So your kids are some kind of genius mutants. I wouldn't worry about the genius, but I would about that mutant part.
"Use stickers as rewards." ~ I would, but I have instituted a strict "only three stickers ingested per diem" rule, and if he's sitting on the potty when he goes he might violate that quota (he has on those all-day bathroom events).
"Use M&Ms as rewards." ~ tried it. Since my son has no clue when he's gone (even on the potty), my effusive praising and giving him M&Ms caused him to give me the "my mom is on crack" look, followed by the "oh, hey, M&Ms!" look.
"Use pennies as rewards, to put in their piggy bank." ~ not a good idea with a kid that likes to 1) lick metal, or 2) throw the bank down the stairs, and then eat the change that falls out. But thanks for playing.
"Use stars on a chart, and when they get 15 they get a reward." ~ Again, there's that darned sticker quota problem. He could care less about a line of stars on a chart, and hasn't as of yet gotten the reward idea, let alone building up to a reward. Unless I completely misunderstood and this individual meant to use an ACTUAL star chart. Like, where the location of the Big Dipper is in the July sky for the northern hemisphere. In which case, we might have to try that, he does like to eat paper. After 15 stars he might supernova.
"Don't use rewards, it will just confuse them." ~ OK, great advice.
"Just let your child run naked through your house." ~ OK. We rent our current abode, do not have grass or mud floors (but do have some carpet), nor am I a fan of vinyl furniture covers. Also, we don't have wall protectors. No.
"Use cotton underwear, they don't like it being soggy." ~ You'd figure this would work, since my son refuses to eat, touch, or do anything else to or with a soggy texture. Except apparently his bum isn't so discriminating and cotton pants (even with the vinyl over-pants) are no match for A-- Falls.
"Use pull-up training pants, they can see and feel when they're wet." ~ Same result with less mess. The visual part only works if the kid actually looks down at the pants and notices.
"It's a spiritual experience, being in tune with one's body. Mmmmmmmm. They have to learn to channel their inner self fully before they can recognize and release on cue." ~ What. The. H. Smoke a little less pot and keep your energy crystals to yourself.
"It's all routine, and if they do it enough, they'll learn the routine." ~ You want routine? The allures of singing songs, reading books, counting, and watching movies while stranded on the toilet have all faded into the grey routine of getting up in the morning, sitting on the potty, getting up to eat breakfast, sitting on the potty until lunch time, eating lunch, getting dressed and getting on the bus for school. Waiting five hours. Getting off the bus, sitting on the potty until dinner. Eating dinner. Sitting on potty until bedtime. Going to bed. Practicing this routine is starting to give me physical tics, and make my son scream, "NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO". He's learning to hate the bathroom is what he's learning. I have decided that establishing this routine is psychotic and we're not doing it that way any more. That is not the route to take.
"Don't worry, I don't know any kids who are in kindergarten and still in diapers, ha ha!" ~ I do. There are actually a lot of special needs kids who are still in diapers. Ha ha. And the parents survive by sharing poop stories, or spewing vitreol on the web.
OK. All done. That was fun. We might have to play again another day! ;)
We've been experiencing some difficulty regarding this not-so-favorite but oh-so-time-consuming pastime. My son, who is now four, still has no idea when he has to go, or when he's actually doing it. Seriously. There are no indicators prior to, during, or following either type of potty event. Zip. Observations have been recorded on paper and mentally catalogued for months, but there's nothing verbal or non-verbal that could remotely resemble a cue. We tried yet another tactic, this one pulled off an autism advocacy website, involving spending all day in the bathroom, with off-potty nakie time for ten minutes following a "success". He had some successes, but he had no idea he'd peed. And he also had three accidents on the floor during the nakie time.
There was absolutely no reaction the times he whizzed on the floor. He didn't blink, he didn't look down, he didn't even move when it was running down his legs. He just stood there, engrossed with whatever he was thinking about. He had to clean up his mess, but seemed to have no clue how it got there and why mommy was helping him (hand over hand) wash the floor. After expressing some parental frustration (I know he can't help it right now, but we're still making a valiant effort), I have received or read the following gems of advice:
"Every kid learns on their own timetable."
"It's a simple process they should pick up in a day, if all the waking hours in that day are devoted to training."
"Sometimes it can take an entire week before they're fully trained!"
"Sometimes it can take an entire month before they're fully trained!"
"My daughter was 2 and a half before she finally would use the potty. They just have to be ready, and their bladders able to hold it or release on demand."
"My son was potty trained at 14 months, and his sister was at 12 months."
"Use stickers as rewards."
"Use M&Ms as rewards."
"Use pennies as rewards, to put in their piggy bank."
"Use stars on a chart, and when they get 15 they get a reward."
"Don't use rewards, it will just confuse them."
"Just let your child run naked through your house."
"Use cotton underwear, they don't like it being soggy."
"Use pull-up training pants, they can see and feel when they're wet."
"It's a spiritual experience, being in tune with one's body. Mmmmmmmm. They have to learn to channel their inner self fully before they can recognize and release on cue."
"It's all routine, and if they do it enough, they'll learn the routine."
"Don't worry, I don't know any kids who are in kindergarten and still in diapers, ha ha!"
Now, for the really great part. I'm going to participate in transference (focusing and expressing my frustrations on an unrelated thing) for some wholesome, snarky fun. Let's dissect. Scalpels ready? Let the viscera fly.
"Every kid learns on their own timetable." ~ True. That is what the problem is. My son can't tell time. Or multiply.
"It's a simple process they should pick up in a day, if all the waking hours in that day are devoted to training." ~ So, after spending three straight days in our bathroom and having no clean laundry or dishes and a bunch of empty take-out containers in our garbage cans, I can't tell if perhaps by "day", they really meant some kind of allegorical theoretical "day", akin to the Biblical "a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day" or a literal, 24-hour kind of day. I'm betting on the former.
"Sometimes it can take an entire week before they're fully trained!" ~ Again, I'm thinking this length of time must be measured using an alternate-universe's standards.
"Sometimes it can take an entire month before they're fully trained!" ~ Infinity is a defined amount of time, right? There's that time problem again. Note to self: teach son about all possible calendars (Julian, lunar, etc) and have him pick the one he'd like to use.
"My daughter was 2 and a half before she finally would use the potty. They just have to be ready, and their bladders able to hold it or release on demand." ~ OK. I'll buy that. However, when my son's first accident on the floor resembled those glorious videos of the falls in Yosemite (only yellow), with about as much volume, I'm thinking the holding or releasing part isn't the problem. I also think my son's bladder runs the length of his body and has lobes down both legs.
"My son was potty trained at 14 months, and his sister was at 12 months." ~ of course this was delivered in a smug, self-righteous tone. The temptation to feed her children ex-lax and sit back and enjoy the fun very nearly overwhelmed me. Never fear, the kiddies are safe. For now. I might put some of the chocolate chunks in mama's cookies though.... La dee frickin da. So your kids are some kind of genius mutants. I wouldn't worry about the genius, but I would about that mutant part.
"Use stickers as rewards." ~ I would, but I have instituted a strict "only three stickers ingested per diem" rule, and if he's sitting on the potty when he goes he might violate that quota (he has on those all-day bathroom events).
"Use M&Ms as rewards." ~ tried it. Since my son has no clue when he's gone (even on the potty), my effusive praising and giving him M&Ms caused him to give me the "my mom is on crack" look, followed by the "oh, hey, M&Ms!" look.
"Use pennies as rewards, to put in their piggy bank." ~ not a good idea with a kid that likes to 1) lick metal, or 2) throw the bank down the stairs, and then eat the change that falls out. But thanks for playing.
"Use stars on a chart, and when they get 15 they get a reward." ~ Again, there's that darned sticker quota problem. He could care less about a line of stars on a chart, and hasn't as of yet gotten the reward idea, let alone building up to a reward. Unless I completely misunderstood and this individual meant to use an ACTUAL star chart. Like, where the location of the Big Dipper is in the July sky for the northern hemisphere. In which case, we might have to try that, he does like to eat paper. After 15 stars he might supernova.
"Don't use rewards, it will just confuse them." ~ OK, great advice.
"Just let your child run naked through your house." ~ OK. We rent our current abode, do not have grass or mud floors (but do have some carpet), nor am I a fan of vinyl furniture covers. Also, we don't have wall protectors. No.
"Use cotton underwear, they don't like it being soggy." ~ You'd figure this would work, since my son refuses to eat, touch, or do anything else to or with a soggy texture. Except apparently his bum isn't so discriminating and cotton pants (even with the vinyl over-pants) are no match for A-- Falls.
"Use pull-up training pants, they can see and feel when they're wet." ~ Same result with less mess. The visual part only works if the kid actually looks down at the pants and notices.
"It's a spiritual experience, being in tune with one's body. Mmmmmmmm. They have to learn to channel their inner self fully before they can recognize and release on cue." ~ What. The. H. Smoke a little less pot and keep your energy crystals to yourself.
"It's all routine, and if they do it enough, they'll learn the routine." ~ You want routine? The allures of singing songs, reading books, counting, and watching movies while stranded on the toilet have all faded into the grey routine of getting up in the morning, sitting on the potty, getting up to eat breakfast, sitting on the potty until lunch time, eating lunch, getting dressed and getting on the bus for school. Waiting five hours. Getting off the bus, sitting on the potty until dinner. Eating dinner. Sitting on potty until bedtime. Going to bed. Practicing this routine is starting to give me physical tics, and make my son scream, "NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO". He's learning to hate the bathroom is what he's learning. I have decided that establishing this routine is psychotic and we're not doing it that way any more. That is not the route to take.
"Don't worry, I don't know any kids who are in kindergarten and still in diapers, ha ha!" ~ I do. There are actually a lot of special needs kids who are still in diapers. Ha ha. And the parents survive by sharing poop stories, or spewing vitreol on the web.
OK. All done. That was fun. We might have to play again another day! ;)
Thursday, November 15, 2007
What Is It?
I went to a friend's house to watch the premiere of Season 4 of Project Runway last night. I really enjoyed getting to see all 15 designers come up with a garment or outfit that captured the essence of their personal design philosophies. The final results ranged from simple elegance to edgier, more punk-inspired clothing but overall each outfit was interesting in its own way. I was a little surprised at how "safe" a lot of it was, over-all, but the season HAS just started.
What is it about Project Runway that I enjoy so much?
I don't know that it's any one thing. I love seeing the creative process in action, finding out what makes people tick. I'm amazed at how varied the results are from some of the wackiest challenges, under the time constraints the designers have. (Make an outfit from recycled trash, in a day, without looking like an elementary school art project gone horribly awry? It's been done.) Even if it's not my personal style, I still appreciate the outfits that are well-designed and well-executed, or have exquisite detailing. I'm not a fashionista (not by a long shot ~ I'm a jeans and t-shirt girl), so most of the clothing isn't something I'd run out and buy, but it's still interesting to see. Of course, there are also the outfits that bomb abysmally, and those are fascinating to see too ~ in the same way a horrible traffic accident is fascinating.
I don't watch for the personalities that are on the show, although I have stared in disbelief at some of the divas (male and female) whose actual talent levels lag far behind their flamboyance levels. But then, I stare at the divas who have the talent to back up their obnoxiousness, too. I do wish the Bravo channel would cut the crap and focus more on the actual design process, and less on the interpersonal drama. And gratuitous pictures of buff contestants should probably go, too, although a reasonable argument could probably be made about enjoying God's creations...
Yes, it's reality TV. Which I swore I'd never get into. And I know that there are disparaging remarks made about this program and its design challenges and processes. But I still love to watch it.
Maybe it's the fact that there's a group of chicks who are able to get together and just be chicks ~ and not worry about tending runny noses or changing diapers. Maybe it's the omnipresent bowls of nacho Doritos, popcorn, and m&ms, and the fact that we can make snarky comments while we're watching, without being judged by each other.
Maybe it just is what it is.
But I, for one, thoroughly enjoy it. Looking forward to next Wednesday! :)
What is it about Project Runway that I enjoy so much?
I don't know that it's any one thing. I love seeing the creative process in action, finding out what makes people tick. I'm amazed at how varied the results are from some of the wackiest challenges, under the time constraints the designers have. (Make an outfit from recycled trash, in a day, without looking like an elementary school art project gone horribly awry? It's been done.) Even if it's not my personal style, I still appreciate the outfits that are well-designed and well-executed, or have exquisite detailing. I'm not a fashionista (not by a long shot ~ I'm a jeans and t-shirt girl), so most of the clothing isn't something I'd run out and buy, but it's still interesting to see. Of course, there are also the outfits that bomb abysmally, and those are fascinating to see too ~ in the same way a horrible traffic accident is fascinating.
I don't watch for the personalities that are on the show, although I have stared in disbelief at some of the divas (male and female) whose actual talent levels lag far behind their flamboyance levels. But then, I stare at the divas who have the talent to back up their obnoxiousness, too. I do wish the Bravo channel would cut the crap and focus more on the actual design process, and less on the interpersonal drama. And gratuitous pictures of buff contestants should probably go, too, although a reasonable argument could probably be made about enjoying God's creations...
Yes, it's reality TV. Which I swore I'd never get into. And I know that there are disparaging remarks made about this program and its design challenges and processes. But I still love to watch it.
Maybe it's the fact that there's a group of chicks who are able to get together and just be chicks ~ and not worry about tending runny noses or changing diapers. Maybe it's the omnipresent bowls of nacho Doritos, popcorn, and m&ms, and the fact that we can make snarky comments while we're watching, without being judged by each other.
Maybe it just is what it is.
But I, for one, thoroughly enjoy it. Looking forward to next Wednesday! :)
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Four Years Old
A had his fourth birthday yesterday. I made cupcakes for his class at school (chocolate, with chocolate frosting of course) and a yellow cake for us to celebrate with at home.
This is the first year he's really GOTTEN what a birthday is. At all prior birthdays (his and others) he really enjoyed the cake part, but never got unwrapping presents or the song, or anything else. Likewise with blowing out the candles. This year is different.
Thanks to the VeggieTales video "The Ballad of Little Joe", A knows that for your birthday, you have cake, blow out candles, get a song and a present, and wear party hats. I searched for a very long time for a party hat; November must be a big time for birthdays, because most places were out. I FINALLY found some at the Hallmark store ~ they're a little small, they're supposed to be tie-ons for presents. But I re-ribboned those suckers so he'd have hats, like he asked for.
He got pizza, Dr. Pepper (which he was really excited about, he normally has one sip and that's all ~ he got his OWN CUP this time. Woo hoo!), and cake.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Diplomacy
I've discovered my true calling: diplomat.
My resume is impeccable; why, just this morning I've utilized the following skills:
1. overcoming the language barrier. When your 19 and a half month old sidles up to you first thing in the morning and says, "Buttface," she is not insulting your appearance or mental abilities. This is how she says "breakfast". When your almost 4-yr-old (next Tuesday!) says, "tu ta mommy chicken know", this means "I'm not your mommy, you're a chicken you know!" and to put on the movie Milo and Otis.
2. easing tensions between two warring factions. The two junior members of this society were both keen on possessing the same plot of Fisher Price farm ~ and all the animals ~ at the same time. Turn taking was instituted, although this was trumped by the youngest after about 15 minutes due to emission of an extremely high pitched shriek (almost, but not quite, out of the range of hearing ~ unfortunately) that caused big brother to clap his hands over his ears and run for the hills, thus leaving the farm wholly intact and all for Miss Ma'am. I'd like to think this moment of working it out for themselves was due to my influence, but I can't emit anything close to that frequency.
3. displaying environmentally friendly policies. I was able to teach my daughter that socks do not go in the toilet, nor are they flushed. I was also able to teach her that we don't put plastic key rings in the aquarium. Or forks. Or toy giraffes. (What is it about that poor giraffe? This thing seems to receive a significantly higher level of abuse than other toys.) I also proudly wait outside every morning for my dog to do his business, and pick it up in a baggie so it's not left in the yard. [Cheesy segment: This latest action may cause some buzz from the fly union, but I can withstand their lobbying tactics. They can beat against my windows from the outside as long as they want to. And if they get in the house, I also have many connections due to my diplomat status and can have them conveniently disposed of.]
4. cultural appreciation. In this society, we do not stand on toy keyboards. Or toy drums. There is a penalty for flagrant disregard of these rules. But if the junior members want to hit the "demo" button on the keyboard and try to sing along with "we wish you a merry christmas" 50,000 times in a row, I will not try to stop them until the 50,001 time ~ all to promote the other arts, of course. Likewise, I am teaching both junior members of my society that we don't eat crayons, markers, paper, playdoh, or chalk. (I'm a charter member of the ASPCAS ~ American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Art Supplies). I have been successful with the elder of the two; still working on the youngest. A green crayon is the latest victim. There is ongoing training in this area, and I am learning other methods to employ that are much more effective.
5. providing food for those that don't have it. I made the ultimate sacrifice this morning and pulled leftover pancakes out of the ziploc in the fridge to feed the starving masses. Obviously they hadn't eaten for at least a week, and it felt good knowing they were finally sated. And quiet.
6. implementing basic hygiene education classes. I have instituted a program to teach washing of hands following bathroom trips and before meals, and that we don't eat our boogers no matter how appetizing they may look. We're still working on hair washing, as the elder one still hates it and I have to do "hand over hand" to get him to wash his hair. Brushing of teeth is usually twice a day for my son and once daily for the younger one. Both are learning not to eat the toothbrush.
7. providing effective communication and understanding to neighbors. When I was out with the dog this morning, my dear son was standing at the back door (which is glass) with his shirt up twisting his nipples, and his sister was standing right next to him, stripping out of her clothing and diaper. Of course that is the very moment my neighbor comes out their back door to walk their puppy. After an awkward silence, I cheerily said, "Good morning!" as I dragged my enormous hairball back to the porch and into the house. The neighbor, looking dazed, said, "Have a nice day!". This shows obvious people skills, as I actually got a verbal response other than the usual stare of disbelief.
I'm sure the fact that I was wearing a down coat, pajama pants, and huge, fluffy, leopard-print bedroom slippers at the time had absolutely nothing to do with the situation.
I'm sure I will have other opportunities to exercise these skills (and others) as the day progresses. But for now, I have to go implement some more of those hygiene skills. My daughter just walked past me with sagging pants, and she is rather odoriferous.
My resume is impeccable; why, just this morning I've utilized the following skills:
1. overcoming the language barrier. When your 19 and a half month old sidles up to you first thing in the morning and says, "Buttface," she is not insulting your appearance or mental abilities. This is how she says "breakfast". When your almost 4-yr-old (next Tuesday!) says, "tu ta mommy chicken know", this means "I'm not your mommy, you're a chicken you know!" and to put on the movie Milo and Otis.
2. easing tensions between two warring factions. The two junior members of this society were both keen on possessing the same plot of Fisher Price farm ~ and all the animals ~ at the same time. Turn taking was instituted, although this was trumped by the youngest after about 15 minutes due to emission of an extremely high pitched shriek (almost, but not quite, out of the range of hearing ~ unfortunately) that caused big brother to clap his hands over his ears and run for the hills, thus leaving the farm wholly intact and all for Miss Ma'am. I'd like to think this moment of working it out for themselves was due to my influence, but I can't emit anything close to that frequency.
3. displaying environmentally friendly policies. I was able to teach my daughter that socks do not go in the toilet, nor are they flushed. I was also able to teach her that we don't put plastic key rings in the aquarium. Or forks. Or toy giraffes. (What is it about that poor giraffe? This thing seems to receive a significantly higher level of abuse than other toys.) I also proudly wait outside every morning for my dog to do his business, and pick it up in a baggie so it's not left in the yard. [Cheesy segment: This latest action may cause some buzz from the fly union, but I can withstand their lobbying tactics. They can beat against my windows from the outside as long as they want to. And if they get in the house, I also have many connections due to my diplomat status and can have them conveniently disposed of.]
4. cultural appreciation. In this society, we do not stand on toy keyboards. Or toy drums. There is a penalty for flagrant disregard of these rules. But if the junior members want to hit the "demo" button on the keyboard and try to sing along with "we wish you a merry christmas" 50,000 times in a row, I will not try to stop them until the 50,001 time ~ all to promote the other arts, of course. Likewise, I am teaching both junior members of my society that we don't eat crayons, markers, paper, playdoh, or chalk. (I'm a charter member of the ASPCAS ~ American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Art Supplies). I have been successful with the elder of the two; still working on the youngest. A green crayon is the latest victim. There is ongoing training in this area, and I am learning other methods to employ that are much more effective.
5. providing food for those that don't have it. I made the ultimate sacrifice this morning and pulled leftover pancakes out of the ziploc in the fridge to feed the starving masses. Obviously they hadn't eaten for at least a week, and it felt good knowing they were finally sated. And quiet.
6. implementing basic hygiene education classes. I have instituted a program to teach washing of hands following bathroom trips and before meals, and that we don't eat our boogers no matter how appetizing they may look. We're still working on hair washing, as the elder one still hates it and I have to do "hand over hand" to get him to wash his hair. Brushing of teeth is usually twice a day for my son and once daily for the younger one. Both are learning not to eat the toothbrush.
7. providing effective communication and understanding to neighbors. When I was out with the dog this morning, my dear son was standing at the back door (which is glass) with his shirt up twisting his nipples, and his sister was standing right next to him, stripping out of her clothing and diaper. Of course that is the very moment my neighbor comes out their back door to walk their puppy. After an awkward silence, I cheerily said, "Good morning!" as I dragged my enormous hairball back to the porch and into the house. The neighbor, looking dazed, said, "Have a nice day!". This shows obvious people skills, as I actually got a verbal response other than the usual stare of disbelief.
I'm sure the fact that I was wearing a down coat, pajama pants, and huge, fluffy, leopard-print bedroom slippers at the time had absolutely nothing to do with the situation.
I'm sure I will have other opportunities to exercise these skills (and others) as the day progresses. But for now, I have to go implement some more of those hygiene skills. My daughter just walked past me with sagging pants, and she is rather odoriferous.
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