Consider Your Words

One interesting observation my husband and I have had with my son is that he will only respond in the desired way to certain phrases, but a similar phrase has no effect whatsoever. It's like we haven't even talked to him, he keeps doing whatever he's currently engaged in ~ whether that's hand flapping, coloring, eating, or whatever. We also have to be extremely specific sometimes, as issuing vague or general directions don't always work either.

My parents came to visit for a couple of days last week, and they know that A is not supposed to be up close to the television if it's on. We always say "get back" or "back up".

My dad was trying to say, "Move," but wasn't being specific enough. Mom mentioned that we had to tell A exactly what we wanted him to do, so dad tried "Move son, move away from the TV. Stay away from the TV," and then got frustrated because A didn't even act like he'd heard him. It took saying "get back" for him to instantly turn and sit on the couch. That blew my dad's mind; he's still not entirely sure what to do with A, or how to play with him. I get the sense that my dad is a little uncomfortable and a little overwhelmed sometimes. But then, due to being stationed overseas, he and mom have only seen A twice since he was diagnosed, and only a couple of times before that. In four years. I know that will just take some time on my dad's part to get used to little things like using the "magic phrase", whatever that is, or trying a variety of phrases to get compliance.

This morning, when my son came in and jumped on me in bed, I asked him which cereal he wanted today. I asked him to choose Kix or Cheerios, and he repeated the phrase. I said, "No, sweetie, I mean which one do you want to eat? Choose one or the other." I forgot and didn't use the normal phrase, and he wasn't getting it. He looked blankly at me, totally lost, then finally asked, "um, what? want....pick one?" I said, "yes, pick one." Then he promptly said, "OK, I pick Cheerios." We had the right phrasing.

It's a strange dance, one that keeps me mentally on my toes. I have to think about what I'm asking him to do and choose the words he will respond to. Z and I have started combining similar phrases, saying them at the same request so A will get that they mean the same thing. Like, the TV thing we noticed with my dad. Now I'll tell A to move away, get back, stay away all at the same time, and when he complies I thank him for moving away, getting back from the TV.

It takes a little extra energy, all the time, but it is so worth it to see how he starts making those connections.