The Experiment

Well. It's the 19th of January.

Don't ya just love it when some of your New Year's Resolutions have already dried up like the Sahara, mocking you as the vapors rise? Maybe it's just me.

So, updating the blog more regularly is one of those things that has already taken a hit. Heh. I'm going to shoot for writing something once a week and that might be more manageable with everything I've got going on. If I update it more frequently, then it's a bonus. I really enjoy recording life's little idiosyncrasies, but I just have to find the time. So, Deb? Prod me if I need it, I see you several times a week. But be gentle!

As far as my list of goals for December, I met nearly every one! The holidays were pretty relaxed for us. Christmas Dinner food? We did the pear and cherry crumble, but I still made the pumpkin pie per my husband's request. Request, complete with puppy dog eyes. (I get his puppy dog eyes so infrequently that they work every time he pulls out that particular weapon. A weakness of mine, I know).

The house fluctuates between perfectly straight, and absolute chaos with ankle-high toys and dog hair -- and it flip-flops several times a week. At least it changes! I've had to adjust daily goals based on the weather -- after getting five snows so far this year, if we get a nice, warm, sunny day then that is when I'm going outside to do the outdoor stuff. Hauling wood takes a while, especially if we have rain in the forecast -- I want to pull enough in under the porch roof to last a few days (sometimes up to a week), and give the rest some time to dry out before I need to use it. I'd also rather be out doing that on, say, a 40 degree day when it's sunny instead of a 26 degree day with 40 mph winds -- so I might do a little extra on those warmer days. I like the snow, but my screwed up hip doesn't.

It's on those outdoor work days that the interior quickly deteriorates. I haven't quite found that rhythm yet, which is kind of sad because I've been doing this housekeeping thing for several years now. You'd figure I'd be nearly done with my domestic goddess status, but it is so, so very not the case. So the whole house thing is still a resolution. I'm tempted to just make one list in January, laminate it, and bring it out every year as a part of the decoration for after Christmas because it seems like I have similar goals every year. I'll finally master a part of something, but the rest is still sitting there, waiting to be...resolved.

Another goal was that December Daily project, which I finally had to cave on because my camera just wasn't cooperating any more. The door had broken off and split into pieces over the battery compartment, and I had to mash it down after carefully fitting it back together so the metal contacts would connect correctly if I had a prayer of the camera working at all. This worked for all of about a week, and then it laid down and officially died. It might have even tried to send up a white flag, but I was too busy giving it a proper burial to notice. It's hard to do a project that requires daily photos when you can't take the photos.

But! My dear husband, who is observant, realized this and tada! I got a new little red camera for Christmas. What a good man, he knows I like to take pictures, and he also knows what my favorite color is. The new, functioning camera is tiny enough to slip into a pocket or a purse without any problems, so I can snap pics to my little heart's desire. I honestly don't know if I'll ever get back into the kind of photography that needs the variety of lenses, flash bars, and more than one aperture speed setting. I enjoyed using a camera like that through high school, college, and up until about ten years ago, but life is not so allowing for anything more than point-and-shoot right now. And that's OK -- I can capture lots of little moments on the fly this way.

So, in my OTHER part of the blog resolution, I am actually going to be posting some pictures. At some point. I'm not committing to anything, so I won't be quite so frustrated if it's, say, March when the first ones find their way into cyberspace.

Maybe that needs to be the over-arching resolution for this year: Don't set goals so specifically -- have a general goal and however it happens, it happens. I think that's backwards from most people I know, who have to have very specific steps to complete things. I set up the steps and when it doesn't happen in the order or the timeline that I want and then my internal freak setting starts hitting "ludicrous speed". ("They've gone to plaid!" Name that movie!) Maybe I just need to turn the internal stress ball down a notch (or forty-seven) and adopt a more laid-back approach.

Hmmm....so, does being laid-back have steps and a timeline?

Is less structure, more? That is this year's experiment. I'm already pretty unorganized, so this could get interesting as I'm not sure how much less structured I can be. It could also drive my husband nuts, because he's an interesting, enigmatic combination of relaxed and strict order.

Z is a very minimalist, sterile working environment kind of guy. (Seriously, his desk at work is completely devoid of anything -- whatever project he's working on gets put away before he pulls something else out, and it's all cleared before he leaves. He has a computer, a phone, and a single picture of the kids on a shelf somewhere. That's it. My work space, on the other hand...is a riot of color, art materials, and gardening magazines. I know where everything is and can find whatever you need, but YOU might not be able to find it -- and I have to move a stack of periodicals before I can paint.) He is very regimented in his approach to things -- but he is also over-all more laid-back than I am with life's curve balls. He just kind of takes things as they come, and then karate chops them into submission in a few short steps.

I see the steps to take, and then stuff happens that doesn't coincide with that particular timeline, and I stress because the ducks aren't walking in their straight line. No! The ducks are supposed to go this way! I'm flexible, mind; the ducks have the ability to bend to the correct path. : )

The fact that I realize this about myself lends a sort of irony to this whole experiment. I also realize that, for better or worse, this is just how I am, so this is at least beneficial in analyzing my reactions to things -- and actually does help temper my interactions with other people. Most of the time. (Keeping it real -- I might be known to overreact on occasion...but I do try to rein it in as soon as I realize what I'm doing -- but if the other party blames hormones, all bets are off).

As a side note, my daughter is such a drama queen. I have no idea where she gets it from.