Not Just For Llamas

Spitting ~ it's not just for llamas.

My son, A, has started spitting and blowing quick raspberries when he gets upset, while fiercely glaring at whoever has prevented him from getting his way. While it's a change from the usual screech and subsequent tears and howling, the spitting brings the rather unpleasant "germ-spreading" problem to the mix. Z and I had no clue why he started doing this.

Until.

We were watching "Surf's Up", that cute surfing penguin movie ~ and in the movie, Cody (the main character) spits at his brother out of anger and frustration. If memory serves, A started his propensity to spit about the same time the movie came out of the box it was packed in. So, we're pretty sure that is where it came from.

Efforts continue to discourage this sort of behaviour. Since the spitting is the new equivalent of throwing a tantrum (to A, anyway), he gets the same disciplinary measures as he does when he used to screech and howl.

I have actually been called to task by another mother for putting A in time out after he threw a tantrum in the lobby of one of his therapists. She informed me that he can't help it, they don't understand, he needs to be able to express his emotions, and how can you possibly be so mean to your child? This is the same mother whose son routinely has LOUD (!) fits during which he destroys the waiting room, tears up books, kicks, hits, etc. And this same mom has also commented on how well-behaved both of my children are. Sheesh.

We're sorting all of this out and discovering what works for us, and it so happens that our A needs structure, and does better when he knows his parameters. His fits are not frequent, generally, although we have been getting more in the last few weeks since he's been out of school for a longer period of time. So we'll continue with the status quo.

On the verbal front, we have been trying to make A tell us what he needs instead of walking up to us, flinging his hand up, and making a single grunt. Since that is so very vague (and we never know if that means he's thirsty, tired, or wants to visit Rhode Island), we've been making him slow down, stop flapping his hands (which he will do if we make him concentrate sometimes), and think about it for a minute. Persistence pays off, A has started telling us "I Want... [whatever it is] please" several times a day for the last couple of weeks, for everything from a snack, a particular breakfast food (which he has volunteered twice now before I could even ask him what he wanted! Yay!), to movies or toys.

The hand flapping increases when he's trying to concentrate sometimes, but then it is all too easy for him to slip into whatever world he goes to if he does it for more than a few seconds. We've been telling him, "Quiet hands!", and he'll generally snap out of it and put his hands together in front of him for us. Then he'll go play with something. I also think it may be a sign of boredom, but I don't really know how to combat that.

It's already taking all I have to tote him to all his appointments; play and read with him and his little sister, who can be rather demanding too ~ it's like she's two or something :) ; work on some OT-type things at home using a big ball, pens, play-doh, or whatever; and do a really awful job at keeping the house from getting too cluttered. (It's clean, but mail does have a tendency to pile up on the front table until it's falling off ~ at which point I'm forced to do something with it...and the dishwasher seldom leaves its post in front of the sink, it takes too much to roll it across the room sometimes. There are always cookbooks and utensils on the top of it, too). He's got toys, art supplies, books, and a dog ~ plus movies to watch. I introduce new activities as often as I dare, just to keep it fresh without completely throwing A off because his routine has changed.

I know, I know ~ common challenges of motherhood, but with a unique twist.

What complicates matters is Z's new work schedule, in which he now works 5 or 6 12-to-15 hour days a week ~ it depends on the day. Plus an hour's driving time to and from. So some of A's issues may also be because daddy's schedule changed, and he's not seeing him very often any more. (Some of mommy's issues may be due to the same thing, and I know Z ain't lovin' the changes either). But there's not a whole lot we can do about that; we can't exactly tell Uncle Sam to "take a hike". Less than a year left, but who's counting? (Hint: we are!)

* Edited to Add: They are reducing Z's (and everyone else's) workdays to 4 on, 2 off, 5 on, 3 off effective July 1. Same hours apply, though.